I'm not going to cry right now. I already cried once today, so any more tears would be self pity. I keep going back and forth on if I should write this out because I know I'm going to sound crazy, but if that's what I am then what's the harm? It matters not.
What's wrong with me? Why do I feel like such a lump on a sinking log? You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink, just like you can't make someone care when they don't. This isn't news to me; I've been through it all before, I just didn't expect to feel this way with him. I'm sure part of it is my fault. Maybe most of it is. I don't know, I haven't felt right in a while. It's like walking around trying to remember a word that keeps escaping the tip of my tongue. I can't stop thinking about it, obsessing over it, trying to coax my mind into coming up with it, all to no avail. I try to forget about it in the hopes that it will surprise me like a happy revelation, but it doesn't. It never does. I can't keep trying this hard and failing. How stupid is it that I feel like I need a vacation? A vacation from nothing, ha, that's funny.
This is the literary equivalent of a big sigh.
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