Fearless

If I were to write a song for Craig, it would sound a lot like this one by Taylor Swift:

There's something about the way
The street looks when it's just rained
There's a glow off the pavement
You walk me to your car
And you know I wanna ask you
To dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot
Yeah, oh yeah

We're driving down the road
I wonder if you know
I'm trying so hard
Not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool
Run your hand through your hair
Absentmindedly making me want you

And I don't know how
It gets better than this
You take my hand
And drag me headfirst
Fearless
And I don't know why
But with you, I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

So, baby, drive slow
Till we run out of road
In this one horse town
I wanna stay right here
In this passenger's seat
You put your eyes on me
In this moment now
Capture it, remember it

'Cause I don't know how
It gets better than this
You take my hand
And drag me headfirst
Fearless
And I don't know why
But with you, I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

Well, you stood there
With me in the doorway
My hands shake
I'm not usually this way, but
You pull me in
And I'm a little more brave
It's a first kiss, it's flawless
Really something
It's fearless
Oh yeah

'Cause I don't know how
It gets better than this
You take my hand
And drag me headfirst
Fearless
And I don't know why
But with you, I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

I lost my marbles

Change scares me most of the time. I'm not talking about trivial changes here, but the big ones: New job, new boyfriend, new living situation, new president, new monthly payment, new daily routine. It's like all those hoops I was used to jumping through just got swapped out for a different set that may or may not be comparable. What if it's all wrong? What if I fail? I never seem able to think positively in these instances, which makes me even more nervous, which makes me mess up, which shakes the little confidence I actually did have, which makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry for my mom.

It's not easy being an uptight perfectionist with multiple neuroses.

I walk the line

You know those times when you just have to write? It's like the idea is there, the juices are flowing, and the words start morphing into a perfect creation that leaves your fingers struggling to keep up. I've learned it's foolish to ignore something this strong, especially since there are days when absolutely nothing of value can be squeezed out.

I really need today to be the first of these options.

Moving on up

I rearranged my bedroom the other day, and ahhhh, it feels so much better. I'm not into feng shui or anything, but I do believe finding the "right" furniture setup makes a room aesthetically more appealing. It's also fun to mix things up from time to time. Have you ever walked into someone's home and just been instantly bored because it has looked the exact same for years? My parents' house was like that when we were younger, probably due to the fact that it was too small for more than a couple furniture placement options. I always felt kind of trapped over there... Maybe that's why I'm constantly pushing things around, moving that here, putting that there. It's like an itch I have to scratch. My friend Janette also moves furniture a lot, always with bigger and better results, so perhaps I'm taking a cue from her. I only wish I could paint the apartment walls...

Do not want

I was eating some baby carrots today and came across this:


Is that a thumb? A child-sized penis? Needless to say, I did not eat it.

R.I.P.

I hate how some people are pointing at how terrible newspapers are these days and citing that as a reason for their demise. Nooooo... They're bad because most staffs consist of four people doing the work of 10. That's like going to McDonald's and expecting a gourmet meal. Not. Gonna. Happen. It's not easy to write a quality story, take professional photographs, and then rush to a (slow, ancient) computer to put it on the page before deadline. Most journalists do the best with what they are given, which oftentimes is not much.

I think people don't read newspapers because most of them just don't like to read, at least not when they can turn on the TV news and have information spoon-fed to them. Books are one thing to pick up from time to time, but to invest in pages full of facts each day? That's too much to ask of this lazy society. Internet news stories are written more in the "wham-bam-thank you ma'am" style that is indicative of the way everything is heading... It's all about instant gratification and then moving on to the next thing ("Pictures of Paris Hilton partying! OMG!").

What a sad, sad world.

Locked out

"When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window."

Have you ever tried to crawl through a window? It's not an easy task, and it certainly is nowhere near as simple as stepping in and out of a doorway... Too bad I don't have much choice these days but to shimmy my way through a window, what with the big door closing in my face last year and all these little ones slamming shut left and right. I guess all I can do now is suck it in and hope I fit.

In a nutshell...

*Even though I do kind of enjoy the song "Heartless," I can't get over how arrogant Kanye West is. The man thinks he lives and breathes genius, and while he is somewhat talented, he's not God. It doesn't help that the music video is STUPID.

*Sometimes I want to hit myself, but more often I feel like hitting other people. Does that make me violent or normal?

*I have been craving Peanut Butter M&M's for several weeks now; I might have even had a dream about them. That's definitely not normal.

*I really miss hearing the "Cheers" theme song while the bar in Pullman was closing down.

*My morning routine is pretty regimented: Wake up, feed the cat, make coffee, gargle mouthwash, drink coffee while checking e-mail, go for a run, brush teeth while oatmeal cooks, eat oatmeal in front of computer, work, shower, dress, work more...

*I love the smell, taste and all-around versatility of cinnamon.

*Newspapers are folding left and right, and it scares me deeply. It also makes me very sad. What kind of a world can exist without print journalism? Where does that leave me??

*I really want to play pool and shoot hoops, in that order.

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills

So we spring forward into ... snow? No, no, that can't be right. I thought we lost an hour of sleep this time of year in preparation for the warm weather ahead, but instead we're being bombarded by even more cold and ice. Huh? I'm confused.

The wait is over

A little while ago, Renee and I were talking about how weird it is that none of us have ever seen a healthy version of top ramen noodles. There are low-fat and fat-free alternatives for almost everything else out there, so why wouldn't companies want to make something like that? The two of us agreed that even if we had to pay a little more than 15 cents per package to have something that is not absolutely horrible for you, it would be worth it. I guess someone was listening, because today I stumbled upon something called Choice Ramen, made by Nissin (the inferior ramen brand). I'm not sure what it tastes like yet, but it sounds promising: 95% fat free and 25% less sodium than the regular top ramen product. Plus, it's only 3/$1 at Fred Meyer. Am I a dork for being this excited about a convenient, inexpensive, somewhat healthy meal option? In case you are curious, here is a comparison of the two kinds:

Maruchan Beef Ramen
190 calories
70 calories from fat
7 grams of fat
3.5 grams of saturated fat
790 miligrams of sodium
26 grams of carbohydrates

Nissin Choice Ramen
140 calories
0 calories from fat
0 grams of fat
0 grams of saturated fat
370 miligrams of sodium
30 grams of carbohydrates

It's also good to note that each package contains two servings, so eating an entire block of the regular noodles counts for 2/3 of a person's sodium intake for the day. It also equals a lot of fat. I'm very excited to find out if this stuff tastes like poo or if it is actually edible. I'll keep you posted...

Being lazy is hard work

I am one of those people who finds it hard to truly relax. Even when I'm sitting down or resting, my mind is constantly ticking off what I should be doing instead. For example, during a movie, I'll be calculating what I need to do when it's over to make up for the time I spent in front of the screen. When I sleep in, I'm always in a rush to catch up on the e-mails that have to be sent before noon in order to get the responses I need by day's end. On weekends I frantically plan what the coming week should look like, complete with deadlines and "now or never" launching points. It's tedious and exhausting, but I honestly don't think I'll ever be any different.

That is why today has been fabulous. I made a concerted effort to get things in order enough so I could set aside one solid day to do absolutely nothing, and March 5 is that day. I cheated a little and sent an e-mail this morning, but otherwise I have not done any writing or, most importantly, worried about not doing any writing (besides obviously this blog). I won't think about my taxes, I won't think about doing laundry, I won't think about cleaning the bathroom, I won't think about paying bills... I am leaving it all for tomorrow, for the weekend, for later.

Right now I'm going to sit my butt on the couch -- I never sit on the couch -- and watch a movie or two, finish reading my book, and just veg out. AND I WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT.

Wish me luck... I might need it.