"You know how book stores make you feel stupid? Health stores make me feel unhealthy." - Curb Your Enthusiasm
Have you ever tried to write something funny when you have a case of the blues? It doesn't work, not for me anyway. Drawing pictures on my skin makes me feel better, as do long baths, sad songs, painting my nails, naps... and Larry David.
Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm almost always alleviate my bad mood, I think partly because one of the characters is guaranteed to be in a more unpleasant predicament than I am. You dropped a Junior Mint into someone's chest cavity during surgery? You keep coughing because one of your wife's pubic hairs is stuck in your throat? Your ex-girlfriend became a lesbian right after the two of you broke up? You suddenly believe your head is too large for your body? You got trapped in a car wash with a really bad case of diarrhea? No, no, no, no, and no; none of these things will (hopefully) ever happen to me, which is why I love watching it play out on the small screen.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Say hello to good times
Miranda turned 20 just two days ago. My baby sister. Wow. I still remember the day she came home from the hospital, and I may or may not recall the hour she arrived in this world. I remember when Renee was born: Something about being in a hospital, Ramblin' Rod on the tv, blood (so much blood!), my mom screaming. I thought she was dying. For some reason I was allowed in the room during the beginning of her labor, and it scarred me for life. I wasn't yet 4 and I already knew I never wanted to have children.
With Miranda it was only traumatic after she came home. My grandma was over that day, which is always a special event. The two of us walked to the end of the road to meet Joseph being dropped off the bus after kindergarten, and when we got back to the house there was a baby. Another one! I was not pleased. At the time my mom wasn't much older than I am now. Yikes.
Now I look at my youngest sister and am amazed. I can't believe she's not a teenager anymore, that she is technically an adult (and has been for a couple years now). She seems so young and fragile, and yet at the same time I watch her handle situations with an air of maturity far beyond where she used to be. I'm proud of her -- of both of my sisters, really. Neither of them will likely ever understand the depth of my feelings. There are still times I worry about them being out in the world; it's like I fear they will get stomped on, crushed, or taken advantage of, and I want to do everything in my power to stop it from happening. Obviously I can't, not always... All I can do is love them.
And so I will.
With Miranda it was only traumatic after she came home. My grandma was over that day, which is always a special event. The two of us walked to the end of the road to meet Joseph being dropped off the bus after kindergarten, and when we got back to the house there was a baby. Another one! I was not pleased. At the time my mom wasn't much older than I am now. Yikes.
Now I look at my youngest sister and am amazed. I can't believe she's not a teenager anymore, that she is technically an adult (and has been for a couple years now). She seems so young and fragile, and yet at the same time I watch her handle situations with an air of maturity far beyond where she used to be. I'm proud of her -- of both of my sisters, really. Neither of them will likely ever understand the depth of my feelings. There are still times I worry about them being out in the world; it's like I fear they will get stomped on, crushed, or taken advantage of, and I want to do everything in my power to stop it from happening. Obviously I can't, not always... All I can do is love them.
And so I will.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
A good man is hard to find
After spending so much time at Craig’s house I’ve learned some people find tasks such as turning off the light when leaving a room, putting dishes away, taking out the trash, putting laundry away, sweeping, etc. just too difficult. And by some people I mean boys.
How do I make my boy turn into a man?
How do I make my boy turn into a man?
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Money makes the sex go 'round
I learned something about rich people yesterday when I drove my brother's Mercedes: Rich people are better than poor people. Or at least they expect to be treated better than us little guys. Not only do other drivers stare at them like they are something, the engineers who designed their expensive cars added features that boost an attitude of superiority. For example, Mercedes turn signals have a special setting (I like to call it the "asshole blinker") that, with only a slight pressure on the wand, flashes the signal three times and then shuts off automatically. It's like as soon as your income exceeds a certain amount you are no longer expected to remember to turn your blinker off; I guess it's too taxing to remember such minute details. I also hate how it only flashes three times, basically giving a three-second warning for whatever action is about to take place. Why not five or seven blinks? There's no harm in having it stay on too long, is there? The limited warning time sends the message, "I have money, I'm coming over here, get out of my way." Gross.
Now before I go any farther with this, I'm going to say that it's not that I don't like rich people, I've just never understood why most of them think they should be treated so much differently. I understand luxury and how good it is to have some of life's little treats, but is it so important to always have such things at your disposal? I don't need a free loaner car when I drop mine off to be serviced (it's a nice bonus, though), I don't need the interior and exterior to be extensively cleaned (again, nice), and I certainly don't need to be offered chocolates for my inconvenience (um, kind of weird). I realize the disclaimer at the beginning of this paragraph is very ironic (like saying, "I'm not a racist, but ..."), but it's true. There are a lot of people out there who work very hard for their money, my brother included, and they deserve what they can afford. I just don't see why they think it's okay to spend money on this stuff when there are innocent people out there starving. I'm not sure where I'm going with this... I think I somehow ended up on a soapbox. Whoops.
And on another note, the kid at the Mercedes dealership who offered me chocolates looked exactly like Michael Cera. I kept staring at him, desperately hoping he'd bust out a George Michael Bluth impersonation and offer me a frozen banana. Oh how dirty that sounds...
Now before I go any farther with this, I'm going to say that it's not that I don't like rich people, I've just never understood why most of them think they should be treated so much differently. I understand luxury and how good it is to have some of life's little treats, but is it so important to always have such things at your disposal? I don't need a free loaner car when I drop mine off to be serviced (it's a nice bonus, though), I don't need the interior and exterior to be extensively cleaned (again, nice), and I certainly don't need to be offered chocolates for my inconvenience (um, kind of weird). I realize the disclaimer at the beginning of this paragraph is very ironic (like saying, "I'm not a racist, but ..."), but it's true. There are a lot of people out there who work very hard for their money, my brother included, and they deserve what they can afford. I just don't see why they think it's okay to spend money on this stuff when there are innocent people out there starving. I'm not sure where I'm going with this... I think I somehow ended up on a soapbox. Whoops.
And on another note, the kid at the Mercedes dealership who offered me chocolates looked exactly like Michael Cera. I kept staring at him, desperately hoping he'd bust out a George Michael Bluth impersonation and offer me a frozen banana. Oh how dirty that sounds...
Sunday, September 14, 2008
No.
I was doing some research today for a story I'm working on about home security systems, when I came across the worst piece of online writing ever. Right now you are probably thinking to yourself, "There is no way she found the single most poorly-written article on the internet." No, no, my friends, it's true. Take a look at this masterpiece by Bishara Hazboun (original can be found at http://www.articlesbase.com/home-security-articles/why-do-i-need-a-home-security-system-76548.html):
Its system of the home security must be the most important application in home. One of the first investments that you must do after buying a new home is a system of the homemade security. Now more than always, with use of the drug between the youth of America that maintains in a constant step or that rises, a system of the homemade security it must be upon his list of the priority. Like ex- salesman of the system of the homemade security, it always surprised to me how much people would buy a system of the homemade security after she had been victimized.
The main problem is, people has the true capacity to think that the crime will not happen to him. It would have to say that at least 6 outside 10 times that I went to an appointment, he were after an incident of a certain class. Most of people, if not everything, as to think they live them in an pleasant vicinity, so they think that they do not need a system the homemade security. The problem is, I can say to him of first hand that happen the crime throughout. The portions of the crime of the times happen in a vicinity without any person but the victims who know on him. People always do not have taste to share the bad news with her neighbors, specially if she is not in speech terms. The industry statistic demonstrates that the occasions are that if robs to him, they are by which is familiar with his home or vicinity. He is generally somebody that lives in the vicinity or perhaps knows to somebody in the vicinity.
A system of the homemade security has four objectives: 1, Dissuasion you are statistical hour 3 to 4 less probably doing than an intruder between in your home if you have a sample of the system of the homemade security in your front turf and labels gummed in your windows. 2. Minimum loss if somebody is quite brave to enter its home after seeing the sample of the turf does not think that you really have a system of the homemade security. You can go now to ebay and to buy a sample and gummed labels of the yard of ADT, that means that each sample of the yard that you see you do not mean that the homemade owner has a system of the homemade security. If an intruder decides to incorporate his home and the sounds of alarming, the occasions are he are not going to stick around very long, he can take an article or two, are he will not be able to go to make purchases in their home because he knows that they have called the police. 3. The last thing avoids a confrontation that any person wishes, that she must return to house to only have an intruder in the house. If you have a system of the homemade security, if somebody were broken in its home, when alarming it probably sounded it to the left. If you arrive home and his to alarm she is sounding, you know not to enter the house. 4. The protection against fires the system of the homemade security of today has ability to have detectors of smoke connected with her.
ADT really calls the signalers of the smoke. If the smoke is detected, the system of the homemade security alerts the supervision station and the calls of a representative are sent their home, if anybody does not answer the telephone, the body of firemen. The insurance agencies offer until a discount of 20% to have a system of the homemade security, the that being said, the investment that you do, possible will be paid stops by their insurance agency. Total, a system of the homemade security is due to strongly consider if you are a new owner of a house or if you have been in your home by 20 years, he is an investment that is worth each penny.Visit: http://www.homessecuritysystems.net.
Its system of the home security must be the most important application in home. One of the first investments that you must do after buying a new home is a system of the homemade security. Now more than always, with use of the drug between the youth of America that maintains in a constant step or that rises, a system of the homemade security it must be upon his list of the priority. Like ex- salesman of the system of the homemade security, it always surprised to me how much people would buy a system of the homemade security after she had been victimized.
The main problem is, people has the true capacity to think that the crime will not happen to him. It would have to say that at least 6 outside 10 times that I went to an appointment, he were after an incident of a certain class. Most of people, if not everything, as to think they live them in an pleasant vicinity, so they think that they do not need a system the homemade security. The problem is, I can say to him of first hand that happen the crime throughout. The portions of the crime of the times happen in a vicinity without any person but the victims who know on him. People always do not have taste to share the bad news with her neighbors, specially if she is not in speech terms. The industry statistic demonstrates that the occasions are that if robs to him, they are by which is familiar with his home or vicinity. He is generally somebody that lives in the vicinity or perhaps knows to somebody in the vicinity.
A system of the homemade security has four objectives: 1, Dissuasion you are statistical hour 3 to 4 less probably doing than an intruder between in your home if you have a sample of the system of the homemade security in your front turf and labels gummed in your windows. 2. Minimum loss if somebody is quite brave to enter its home after seeing the sample of the turf does not think that you really have a system of the homemade security. You can go now to ebay and to buy a sample and gummed labels of the yard of ADT, that means that each sample of the yard that you see you do not mean that the homemade owner has a system of the homemade security. If an intruder decides to incorporate his home and the sounds of alarming, the occasions are he are not going to stick around very long, he can take an article or two, are he will not be able to go to make purchases in their home because he knows that they have called the police. 3. The last thing avoids a confrontation that any person wishes, that she must return to house to only have an intruder in the house. If you have a system of the homemade security, if somebody were broken in its home, when alarming it probably sounded it to the left. If you arrive home and his to alarm she is sounding, you know not to enter the house. 4. The protection against fires the system of the homemade security of today has ability to have detectors of smoke connected with her.
ADT really calls the signalers of the smoke. If the smoke is detected, the system of the homemade security alerts the supervision station and the calls of a representative are sent their home, if anybody does not answer the telephone, the body of firemen. The insurance agencies offer until a discount of 20% to have a system of the homemade security, the that being said, the investment that you do, possible will be paid stops by their insurance agency. Total, a system of the homemade security is due to strongly consider if you are a new owner of a house or if you have been in your home by 20 years, he is an investment that is worth each penny.Visit: http://www.homessecuritysystems.net.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Don't let the bedbugs bite
Last night when I was waiting to fall asleep, I realized one thing: I wasn't trying to fall asleep at all. In fact, I was struggling to keep my eyes open under the dorky sleep mask I wear. My brain was running at 100 mph, my back was tense -- this is not the way to power down after a long day. I was actually straining to stay awake.
And why? No reason at all. I had nothing to stay up for, I'd been dragging all day... really, I had nothing to do besides sleep. I had to consciously tell my body to relax in preparation for drifting off to dreamland. I forced my eyes to close, my shoulders to loosen up, and my brain to stop whirring, and, miraculously enough, I fell asleep.
The sad thing is I'm pretty sure I fight myself in that same manner almost every night. It's like the list of things I didn't get done during the day comes sneaking out of the shadows to haunt me when I'm trying to rest, causing even more fatigue when I try to tackle it all the next day. I sabotage myself without even knowing it.
And why? No reason at all. I had nothing to stay up for, I'd been dragging all day... really, I had nothing to do besides sleep. I had to consciously tell my body to relax in preparation for drifting off to dreamland. I forced my eyes to close, my shoulders to loosen up, and my brain to stop whirring, and, miraculously enough, I fell asleep.
The sad thing is I'm pretty sure I fight myself in that same manner almost every night. It's like the list of things I didn't get done during the day comes sneaking out of the shadows to haunt me when I'm trying to rest, causing even more fatigue when I try to tackle it all the next day. I sabotage myself without even knowing it.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Sept. 11
"They took from us innocent lives in the names of their God, and it seems some people have forgotten what happened here seven years ago. Our lives are filled with pain and always will be. Thank you to all the men and women fighting for us." - Rosaria Reneo, sister of Sept. 11 victim Daniela R. Notaro
Today, more than so many other times throughout the year, is a chance to reflect on things much bigger than us. Thousands of Americans lost their lives seven years ago -- no, no, thousands of humans were senselessly murdered seven years ago. It's not something to be taken lightly.
In New York this morning, silence was observed at 8:46, 9:03, 9:59 and 10:29, marking the moments when the towers were hit and when they collapsed. The official death toll sits somewhere between 2,819 and 2,823, but we may never know the exact count of how many died that day. You think times are hard now? It could be worse.... We've seen it a lot worse.
I'll never forget.
Today, more than so many other times throughout the year, is a chance to reflect on things much bigger than us. Thousands of Americans lost their lives seven years ago -- no, no, thousands of humans were senselessly murdered seven years ago. It's not something to be taken lightly.
In New York this morning, silence was observed at 8:46, 9:03, 9:59 and 10:29, marking the moments when the towers were hit and when they collapsed. The official death toll sits somewhere between 2,819 and 2,823, but we may never know the exact count of how many died that day. You think times are hard now? It could be worse.... We've seen it a lot worse.
I'll never forget.
Monday, September 8, 2008
No kids allowed
This is why I shouldn't have children: When I hear one crying I always want to know why, not to make sure the little one is okay, but to see if he or she is overreacting. This obviously doesn't count when I know the child or am in charge of watching it - at those times the concern is real. But the rest of the time? Eh, whatever.
Like just now, when the neighbor girl went from laughing to crying, I ran to the window to see what was going on so I could evaluate the maximum volume her sobs should be reaching. To me, falling off a bike warrants loud cries, little brother taking a toy away warrants medium, being told to do something and then throwing a fit about it warrants a smack on the butt.
This is a somewhat morbid way of judging little kids, now that I think about it.
Like just now, when the neighbor girl went from laughing to crying, I ran to the window to see what was going on so I could evaluate the maximum volume her sobs should be reaching. To me, falling off a bike warrants loud cries, little brother taking a toy away warrants medium, being told to do something and then throwing a fit about it warrants a smack on the butt.
This is a somewhat morbid way of judging little kids, now that I think about it.
And the winner is...
I just read an article about how good it is for your brain to constantly try new tasks; even something as simple as brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand can help keep your mind sharp.
But if I use my left hand to brush, my teeth won't get as clean. So... brain or teeth?
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
But if I use my left hand to brush, my teeth won't get as clean. So... brain or teeth?
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Lies for the liars
So, let's pretend you are me. And as me, there is this one person in your life (or not even really in your life, actually) that you do not care about. Nothing, nada, blah. It's a "been there, done that" kind of situation, and one you rarely think about.
And now let's say you found out he lied to you about something the last time you talked. Does it contradict your self-proclaimed lack of feelings to be angry? And if so, is it possible to ever truly be devoid of feelings? You don't want to yell at him about it - to be honest, you'd rather not talk to him ever again - but you are curious about why he would do such a thing. One last time to play the Mess with Elena game? Tough, it's not going to work.
Being lied to by anyone always makes you feel a little like poo, so it's not a reaction reserved for the important players in your life.
And now let's say you found out he lied to you about something the last time you talked. Does it contradict your self-proclaimed lack of feelings to be angry? And if so, is it possible to ever truly be devoid of feelings? You don't want to yell at him about it - to be honest, you'd rather not talk to him ever again - but you are curious about why he would do such a thing. One last time to play the Mess with Elena game? Tough, it's not going to work.
Being lied to by anyone always makes you feel a little like poo, so it's not a reaction reserved for the important players in your life.
Friday, September 5, 2008
I know just when to face the truth
So how exactly does one make love out of nothing at all? I adore the Air Supply song (it's actually in my head right now), but I don't completely understand what the phrase means. Is it about that feeling you get right after seeing the person you love, where it's as though what once was empty is now full and warm and happy? A sense of fulfillment, if you will. Or could it be more along the lines of sadness, like when one person develops unrequited feelings and is doomed to a life of longing? Most of the time I like to think it's the first one - it's much less depressing that way, and it makes it easier for when Renee and I belt the song out at the top of our lungs with the windows rolled down. I just wish I knew the absolute truth of what the writer's intent was...
Every time I see you all the rays of the sun
Are streaming through the waves in your hair
And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes like a spotlight
The beating of my heart is a drum, and it's lost
And it's looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright
I've got to follow it, 'cause everything I know
Well it's nothing til I give it to you
I can make the run or stumble
I can make the final block
And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle
I can make all the stadiums rock
I can make tonight forever
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn
And I can make you every promise that has ever been made
And I can make all your demons be gone
But I'm never gonna make it without you
Do you really want to see me crawl?
And I'm never gonna make it like you do
Making love out of nothing at all
Every time I see you all the rays of the sun
Are streaming through the waves in your hair
And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes like a spotlight
The beating of my heart is a drum, and it's lost
And it's looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright
I've got to follow it, 'cause everything I know
Well it's nothing til I give it to you
I can make the run or stumble
I can make the final block
And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle
I can make all the stadiums rock
I can make tonight forever
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn
And I can make you every promise that has ever been made
And I can make all your demons be gone
But I'm never gonna make it without you
Do you really want to see me crawl?
And I'm never gonna make it like you do
Making love out of nothing at all
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I'll be back
I left my heart in Montana... sort of. I literally left my phone charger there, but figuratively I fell in love with the laid-back lifestyle and gorgeous scenery. I don't know if it's a place I'd ever be able to live (too much snow), but visiting will always be on my list.
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