The golden ticket

I'm in a good mood and I don't exactly know why. Don't you just love that? I even ran out of time this morning before work and had to rush getting dressed, which usually puts me in a bad mood. It must be my lucky day. Maybe I should play the lottery...

More

Soon I will have more time for reading, writing, sleeping, planning, laughing, cooking, cleaning, organizing, planning, dreaming, adventures, running, thinking, budgeting, Craig.

I can't wait.

Captain Obvious

If you do stupid things when you're drunk, don't drink. It's that simple.

The end.

The crazies

"Life is wasted on ... people."

Amen.

I will never understand the eccentricities (or perhaps utter rudeness) of people. Please explain why, when I am trying to write down a phone message at the office, people rattle off the numbers in one really quick breath. "22678701984765638." Is this a race? Are they being attacked by wild dogs that will give up as soon as the telephone call is completed? I also love it when people volunteer the spelling on the easy half of their names (E-R-I-N), but don't even attempt anything for the trickier (Kollar? Kohler? Koller?) part.

I hope I'm not "one of those people" to someone out there, but I don't see how I couldn't be. I wonder what I do to annoy the gas station attendant, Safeway cashier, bank teller, or any other worker in the world. I wonder what they say to their friends about me. Would they prefer to never see my face again? That's the tough thing about living on this planet: people. There are so, so many people here... And all of us are pretty crazy.

TMI

I hate how people feel the need to share the most mundane tidbits of their lives via Facebook or Twitter. "I just walked to the store. I'm sweaty now." Um, okay, good for you. Is that really the most pressing piece of information in your head right now?

Worse than these little random chunks of info are the folks who have paragraphs posted everywhere (usually with typos). Here's a great example: "witnessed an accident on I205. F150 had blue garbage bins in it and one flew out in the fast lane and got the left front fender of a car. it was crazy seeing all the cars try not to hit the bin. I actually stopped right next to bin and pulled it off the interstate." So. Many. Details.

Why?

Familiar landscapes

... And here I am again, after a long stretch of neglect. Did you miss me? This time I intend to stay on top of my blogging. Nobody should keep thoughts in their head for too long, especially somebody as crazed and frantic as me.

Goodbye, and good riddance

For anybody out there looking for an interesting read, check out "Dear Old Love: Anonymous Notes to Former Crushes, Sweethearts, Husbands, Wives & Ones That Got Away." Some of the messages in this little book are happy, some are bitter, some are funny, and some are just plain heartbreaking.

Here are a few of my favorites:
"Remember in tenth grade when I said we should meet at Victoria's Secret, and you showed up with your friends? I was giving you a visa to the land of adult sexuality, and you tried to smuggle three doofuses across the border."
"I say 'I love you' to people all the time now, to make that time I said it to you mean less."
"Coming home to you never got old. Every day was like a miracle."
"You were too old to be a pothead."
"I deserve better, but I don't want better."
"I put in your initials when I get a high score in Centipede."
"When I see you, what I really want to ask about is your vagina. It'd be like asking about a beloved dog. 'How's the vagina? What's it up to? Any adorable mischief lately? Give it a pat for me!' "

I'm not sure what I'd say to any of my ex-boyfriends. There would be no hint of longing, that's for damn certain, and I'm not even sure if I care enough to be angry. Maybe that's the message itself: "I stopped caring when I met Craig." Yeah, I guess that's it.

So, what would you say to a former lover?

Potpourri

- The girls and I are going to be renting a house soon... In 22 days, to be exact. I'm excited. I still hate moving.
- There is a new episode of The Pacific to watch tomorrow after work and after the gym. I love having something to look forward to.
- The Blazers won tonight, and their last game of the season is Wednesday.
- Beyonce is just now learning to drive. Ha.
- I need to start living a little.
- There is nothing better than a really good foot massage.
- Michael Buble is a musical genius.

Afraid of the dark

I have developed a very bad habit lately: panicking. I'm lying in bed, the lights are off, my eyes are covered, my head is resting comfortably on my pillows and WHAM! I'm hit with fear and worry. "What if I lose my job(s)? What if my dad can't find work? What if an earthquake hits? What if we don't get approved to rent this new house? What if we do get approved to rent this new house and it's haunted? What if the girls and I can't afford this new house? What if my car gets broken into tonight? How am I going to find time to move? How am I going to afford to move? What if I get audited by the IRS? What if I have a stroke? What if something happens to Craig? What if something happens to the girls? What if the cat throws up and/or poops in the living room? What if I have to get my other wisdom teeth pulled? Are my library books overdue?" I tell myself to calm down and just sleep, but it doesn't work. I can't seem to ignore these thoughts at night. When I wake up the next morning I'm fine, albeit a little tired. What gives?

The government totally sucks

Ah Government, you're doing a bang-up job. Thanks for taking my hard-earned money and giving it to those who are far less deserving (seriously). Thanks for bailing out the big corporations while allowing small businesses to flounder. Thanks for wasting countless dollars to mail a warning letter that the census is going to be sent out, and then a reminder that I should have received and completed my census (I'd turned it in a week prior). Thanks for letting losers collect unemployment checks while sitting around playing video games and smoking weed. I'm so happy to be pumping everything I have into such a flawed system.

Not.

WOULD YOU RATHER

Have everyone's sympathy or be completely ignored?

Work with people who are incredibly smart or incredibly dumb?

Go blind or go deaf?

Catch your significant other cheating or your father cheating?

Win a lot of money once or earn a respectable amount throughout your lifetime?

Be a really good cook or a really good eater?

Live off the government or live off your parents?

Drive a really nice car but live in it or live in a nice house but always have to take the bus?

Enjoy a mild winter or a mild summer?

Live an hour away from a job you love or minutes away from a job you hate?

Take it or leave it

Things I can't do:
Wear mismatched socks
Fart on command
Get excited about golf
Taxes
Sleep in
Cook the appropriate amount of spaghetti noodles
Talk about my feelings
Drink tequila
Come up with a really good excuse
Curl my hair


Things I can do:
Clean, clean, clean
Drive it like it's stolen
Burp on command
Clip coupons
Daydream
Take one for the team
Waste time
Make killer guacamole
Give myself a pedicure
Assist

Bad to the bone

I love my friends, but there are times when I don't want to be around them. Does this make me a bad friend?

I love my boyfriend, but there are times when I don't want to be around him. Am I a bad girlfriend?

I love my family, but there are times I don't want to be around them. Am I a bad sister/daughter?

Sometimes I wish for bad things to happen to random people, just so I can feel better about myself... Nothing too awful or life-changing, mind you, just little bumps here and there to make their day worse. A flat tire. An iffy haircut. A speeding ticket. A kid that won't stop crying. A dropped cell phone. A dented fender. Forgotten keys. Disappointment. It's best if I get to witness such minor disasters. Does this make me a bad person? <---- Don't worry, I know this makes me a bad person; this may actually be the definition of a bad person.

Dirty laundry

Why is it that I can work for an entire month without a day off, yet the act of doing laundry feels insurmountable? A relatively simple process -- wash, dry, fold, put away -- makes me crazy. I hate it. I also hate opening the dryer to find somebody's clothes sitting in there, which, sadly enough, happens about 99 percent of the time. Apparently my roommates/sisters don't know how to collect their clothes from the dryer.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste

I feel like I ramble and/or repeat myself a lot. Have I run out of words, or did I run out of thoughts to fill the words I am forced to constantly say? Right now I'd like to try going an entire day without speaking. It was terrible when I lost my voice a few months ago and could not speak for three days, but all I'm asking for is the option of speaking when I actually want to. A good majority of what I say these days is meaningless dribble I've been taught to say like a trained monkey, and as a result, my mind has turned into mush. When do I get to exercise my brain again?