Pros, cons, and con artists

Tanning beds are bad for you, right? Frequent use causes wrinkles and unnecessary exposure to potentially harmful UV rays. It also costs money, which, at this particular juncture in my life, is somewhat scarce.

At the same time, however, I love going tanning. It makes me feel better about myself, puts me in a better mood (Vitamin D, anyone?) and is all-around enjoyable. It may or may not be the reason my fingers and toes haven't been so frigid lately.

Should I risk my future self to feel better now? Ultimately it comes down to whether I care enough about the future to save my skin - and my cash. But really, what other bad habits do I have? Drinking? Check. (Occasional) smoking? Check. Eating fast food, driving too fast, hanging out with a fast crowd? Check, check and sort of check. So what's another addition to the list?

This is probably the kind of thinking that'll get you hooked on crack.

Life is what you make it

I'm done, but this time I went out on my own terms. I can't tell you how much better this feels.

Faith is the way to believe lies that we need

So, so many mistakes. I don't know what to do, really about much of anything anymore. It seems the only time I can relax is when I forget. Just now I imagined it being Sunday night instead of Saturday and I almost started crying. I don't want to go to work, but I'm also afraid to quit. Which is worse: working a job you hate and failing, or giving up without properly trying? I'd give almost anything to be back to where I was just a month ago. As unhappy as that job made me sometimes it also gave me the confidence and security to make future plans. I knew if I wanted to go out of town I could swing things and make sure my section was covered. Same with when I was ready to change apartments, go to concerts, have a 3-day weekend. I knew what was expected of me, and yet somehow I must have messed it all up.

And now I wonder if it was my fault my last relationship failed. What did I do to mess things up then that I'm still doing now? I know I'm not perfect, I know I'm hard to deal with most of the time. I guess I just don't want to be blindsided by anything. Maybe I will just live in my car for a while and drive around the country, just to see what it's like. I really have nothing to lose at this point...

There isn't one of these lines that I would erase

Today can't be Thursday. Yesterday was Wednesday, tomorrow is Friday, but today is not Thursday. It just can't be. Thursday is the day that, for the past 2 years, I have arrived at my desk in anticipation of seeing everyone's hard work in print. Finding out what Kevin - and later Jessie - did with the front page. How Jennifer decided to structure her story. What Mikel's column is about.

Oh, but it is Thursday... Only this Thursday I am unemployed.

Lost, lost, lost my marbles

I'm having a midlife crisis.

I'm only going to live to be 50? Yes, I'm confident of this.

Thanks for the memories

Did he know that with those words - "Elena, can Nick and I talk to you in my office?" - my heart would start pounding out of control? Simple words, not alarming by themselves, but coupled with all the empty desks of late made me dizzy.

"As you know, there have been a lot of personnel changes within the company." Did he have any idea the rushing sound that nearly drowned out the string of sentences explaining why they decided to eliminate my position?

When I was unable to keep that tear from escaping my right eye (damn tear!), was he at all aware that this Thursday was quite possibly the worst day in my life so far? No notice, no options, no thanks at all.

So now what? I can't tell if this is the beginning or the end.