Goodbye, and good riddance

For anybody out there looking for an interesting read, check out "Dear Old Love: Anonymous Notes to Former Crushes, Sweethearts, Husbands, Wives & Ones That Got Away." Some of the messages in this little book are happy, some are bitter, some are funny, and some are just plain heartbreaking.

Here are a few of my favorites:
"Remember in tenth grade when I said we should meet at Victoria's Secret, and you showed up with your friends? I was giving you a visa to the land of adult sexuality, and you tried to smuggle three doofuses across the border."
"I say 'I love you' to people all the time now, to make that time I said it to you mean less."
"Coming home to you never got old. Every day was like a miracle."
"You were too old to be a pothead."
"I deserve better, but I don't want better."
"I put in your initials when I get a high score in Centipede."
"When I see you, what I really want to ask about is your vagina. It'd be like asking about a beloved dog. 'How's the vagina? What's it up to? Any adorable mischief lately? Give it a pat for me!' "

I'm not sure what I'd say to any of my ex-boyfriends. There would be no hint of longing, that's for damn certain, and I'm not even sure if I care enough to be angry. Maybe that's the message itself: "I stopped caring when I met Craig." Yeah, I guess that's it.

So, what would you say to a former lover?