Things I can't do:
Wear mismatched socks
Fart on command
Get excited about golf
Taxes
Sleep in
Cook the appropriate amount of spaghetti noodles
Talk about my feelings
Drink tequila
Come up with a really good excuse
Curl my hair
Things I can do:
Clean, clean, clean
Drive it like it's stolen
Burp on command
Clip coupons
Daydream
Take one for the team
Waste time
Make killer guacamole
Give myself a pedicure
Assist
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