I'm broke. There's no way around it. I'm as terrified right now as I was that first day I realized the financial burden that would come with losing my job, yet now I feel like I have more to be ashamed of. It probably looks like I've just pissed the last couple months away but I've written a good number of articles and hopefully been laying the foundation for my next career. Too bad it hasn't been a very monetarily-rewarding endeavor.
And even though the money has dried up, the bills have not. I never would have had a problem driving somewhere before when I had a job. Now that it costs me $50 to fill up (about as much as I make writing an article), I cringe at the thought of going anywhere. Those Pumas I've been wanting for months? Keep dreaming. Summer clothes are pretty much out of the question now too. Whenever I do buy something I immediately feel guilty about it and want to return it. I'm going to hide my debit card when I get home to prevent these lapses of judgment, but for now I'll sit here silently hating all the money I just spent.
It seems like almost every day I ask myself why I don't just get a regular job. And why not? Part of it is because jobs these days are not easy to find, even for college graduates, and until recently I didn't want to get involved in something that wasn't going anywhere and consequently lose sight of my ultimate goals. Now I'll settle for anything. I'm even considering looking for work in other states. I know if my biggest debtor would ever pay me back I would not have to worry so much, but that will probably never happen.
I guess I might as well kiss that money goodbye, along with my self-esteem. Dang.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment