Suck and blow

I feel as though I am always doing, doing, doing, mostly with little appreciation or success. I try, it just doesn't always turn out right. Why is that? What's the point if I constantly fail? This is a drum I have beat over and over, and I still don't have a solution. I walk around always on the verge: of tears, of anger, of sleep. My life is a mess, my brain is messier... I can't seem to find a moment to stop and think.

I realized I thrive on structure and routine, and ever since being laid off I have lived in a world dominated by chaos. I need somebody to tell me exactly what the following day will bring -- Or, better yet, I need another job where I can tell myself what to expect the next morning. Will that ever happen? Doubtful. Time to just suck it up...