Something about this house makes me sad. I think it might be because it reminds me of failure: a failed marriage (my brother's), a failed career (mine). It's not so terrible when people are here, but that doesn't seem to happen all that often. No wonder Luke is so scared all the time...
I guess I don't really need to be here money-wise, but if I had a real job it would make paying rent to an apartment manager a lot easier. At least in this position I know I won't get evicted if for some reason I (please God no, please no) run out of cash. A steady paycheck would also help me justify driving the 20 miles to see my friends, or even just the 12 or so miles to good ol' Oregon City. It seems like the past couple months have been a whirlwind of spending time at Craig's house and hanging out with him and his friends/my friends, and now all of that will change. It has changed. Already I feel the pull of wanting to see Craig but not being able to. I'm afraid I might become clingy and needy and just annoying because all I want is for him to be here.
How stupid is it that those extra miles make me feel like a world away?
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