So, so many mistakes. I don't know what to do, really about much of anything anymore. It seems the only time I can relax is when I forget. Just now I imagined it being Sunday night instead of Saturday and I almost started crying. I don't want to go to work, but I'm also afraid to quit. Which is worse: working a job you hate and failing, or giving up without properly trying? I'd give almost anything to be back to where I was just a month ago. As unhappy as that job made me sometimes it also gave me the confidence and security to make future plans. I knew if I wanted to go out of town I could swing things and make sure my section was covered. Same with when I was ready to change apartments, go to concerts, have a 3-day weekend. I knew what was expected of me, and yet somehow I must have messed it all up.
And now I wonder if it was my fault my last relationship failed. What did I do to mess things up then that I'm still doing now? I know I'm not perfect, I know I'm hard to deal with most of the time. I guess I just don't want to be blindsided by anything. Maybe I will just live in my car for a while and drive around the country, just to see what it's like. I really have nothing to lose at this point...
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2 comments:
As far as living in the car and driving the country I was thinking the exact same thing not 2 days ago... so if you go I'm in! (Yeaahhh roadtrip)
As soon as the weather gets better I might actually do it...
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